Rebecca Cheung

Safeguarding history: 91�Թ� researchers team up with Royal Ontario Museum to preserve ancient Greek coins

Christopher.Sorensen — Wed, 10 Jan 2024 17:05:32 +0000

Safeguarding history: 91�Թ� researchers team up with Royal Ontario Museum to preserve ancient Greek coins

Christopher.Sorensen Wed, 01/10/2024 - 12:05

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PhD candidates Maria Stanko (right) and Dian (Jack) Yu study images generated by energy-dispersive X-ray spectroscopy. Post-doctoral researcher Michel Haché looks on in the background (photo by Aaron Demeter)

Rebecca Cheung

Topic

Our Community

Faculty of Applied Science & Engineering

Faculty of Arts & Science

Graduate Students

Humanities

Royal Ontario Museum

91�Թ� Scarborough

Subheadline

Researchers are examining the chemical composition on the surfaces of ancient coins to advise museum conservators on how to treat and store them.

Researchers at the 91�Թ�'s Open Centre for the Characterization of Advanced Materials (OCCAM) are working with the conservation team at the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) to help preserve links to the past, ensuring important historical artifacts can be studied and shared with generations to come.

Maria Stanko, a PhD candidate in the department of materials science and engineering in the Faculty of Applied Sciences and Engineering, and her collaborators are studying the surfaces of two corroded Greek coins from the Hellenistic period – dating back to 300-115 BCE – using OCCAM’s instrumentation.

By understanding what is happening to these priceless relics, the team will be equipped to advise researchers and conservators on how to best conserve and store these artifacts safely.

The coins are subjects of study for the ROMkomma project, a collaboration funded by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council and led by Kate Cooper, an assistant professor, teaching stream in the department of historical and cultural studies at 91�Թ� Scarborough and research associate at the ROM, and Ben Akrigg, associate professor in the department of classics at the Faculty of Arts & Science.

The project aims to catalogue and publish data on the museum’s extensive collection of more than 2,000 ancient Greek coins. This investigation, which will make the ROM’s Greek coin collection accessible online, could reveal important insights on early minting practices and how early economies were developed.

Students and researchers from the department of materials science and engineering developed a plan to position and mount ancient Greek coins so they could be imaged and analyzed (photo by Aaron Demeter)

“Environmental degradation is normal with coins that are thousands of years old,” says Stanko. “On a few of these coins, we’re likely seeing corrosion caused by elements like chlorine and bromine.

“These corrosive products are harder than the coin itself. We risk damaging the artifacts and removing the fine surface detailing if we try mechanical cleaning methods.”

The coin imaging and analysis project began as an assignment for the Analytical Electron Microscopy course Stanko took with Janet Howe, an associate professor in the department of materials science and engineering and the department of chemical engineering and applied chemistry and Stanko’s PhD co-supervisor.

Stanko and collaborators, including Howe, PhD candidate Dian (Jack) Yu and post-doctoral fellow Michel Haché, developed a strategy to examine the coins with a scanning electron microscope paired with energy-dispersive X-ray spectroscopy (SEM-EDS).

“Once we know more about the chemical composition on the surfaces of these coins, we can advise ROM conservators on non-destructive treatment strategies and storage solutions,” Stanko says.

The project has proven to be challenging. Since EDS works by exciting the electrons on the surface of a sample to emit X-ray signatures, the team needed to fix the position of the coins – without the use of clamps or guides that might cause damage – for the signals to hit the detector in just the right way.

One of the ancient Greek coins being analyzed at OCCAM is seen on the top left (photo: Laura Lipcsei, Royal Ontario Museum). The top-right photo shows a zoomed-in view of a section of the coin showing a corrosive product. SEM-EDS maps of the section of coin (bottom left and right) suggest the corrosion product is silver chloride (supplied image)

This type of analysis works best for smooth and flat objects, so the team spent hours examining the uneven faces of these coins under an optical microscope to identify specific areas where the samples could be imaged and analyzed.

Laura Lipcsei, a senior conservator at the ROM, says the museum is grateful to be able to work with OCCAM researchers. “We are so lucky to have this amazing resource available to us. It’s not just about having access to state-of-the-art technology and tools, this is an excellent team to work with,” says Lipcsei. “They are sharing important information, and we couldn’t do our work without them.”

The ROMkomma project is just one of many currently underway at the centre right now.

“OCCAM is the infrastructure supporting research across 91�Թ� and beyond,” says Howe, the newly appointed co-director of OCCAM, who played a leading role in installing the equipment at the centre.

“Many branches of science and engineering rely on understanding the structure of materials at atomic and nano scales, whether it’s related to designing catalysts for green energy, developing new biomolecules in medicine or enhancing microchips in our smartphones. Our work benefits every researcher tackling today’s grand challenges.”

Howe is looking forward to an upcoming collaboration with Hitachi High-Tech, involving a low-cost structural analysis tool that could significantly bring down the cost of characterizing the structure of new materials.

She identifies the centre’s focus on teaching as one of its core strengths.

“At OCCAM, we don’t restrict access to our world-class instrumentation to post-doctoral fellows and senior researchers. Undergraduate and graduate student get hands-on experience and are encouraged to come to us with projects.”

91�Թ� professor emeritus creates scholarship to support emerging minds in math

Christopher.Sorensen — Mon, 15 Aug 2022 15:13:11 +0000

91�Թ� professor emeritus creates scholarship to support emerging minds in math

Christopher.Sorensen Mon, 08/15/2022 - 11:13

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Over a 30-year career at 91�Թ�, Professor Emeritus Velimir Jurdjevic helped shape the world’s understanding of geometric control theory and regulated feedback systems – concepts underlying a range of modern technologies (photo by Diana Tyszko)

Rebecca Cheung

Topic

Our Community

Faculty of Arts & Science

Mathematics

Math has transported Velimir Jurdjevic to new and exciting realms.

“I often think of math as a ladder. With each proof and mathematical concept explored, you climb up a rung higher,” says Jurdjevic, a professor emeritus in the department of mathematics in the 91�Թ�’s Faculty of Arts & Science.

“Eventually, when you’ve climbed up enough, you reach a place of ideas. There, you can make sense of things beyond the physical world. You can throw away the ladder, and you won’t fall.”

He is hoping the newly established Velimir Jurdjevic Graduate Scholarship in Mathematics will help students reach such heights. As an endowed gift, the award is designed to have a lasting impact. Beginning this fall, the scholarship will be awarded annually, on the basis of academic merit, to a promising full-time graduate student in the department of mathematics.

In a career spanning more than 30 years at 91�Թ�, Jurdjevic contributed significantly to mathematics by shaping the world’s understanding of geometric control theory and regulated feedback systems – the underlying concepts that make robotics, autonomous vehicles and aerospace engineering technologies possible.

The new graduate scholarship could support emerging scholars in making their mark in math, which could drive the development of new technological applications or enhance the public’s understanding of the universe.

After all, Jurdjevic points out there’s no shortage of talent at 91�Թ�.

“I was fortunate enough to teach some very important graduate courses and honours undergraduate courses at 91�Թ�, and that put me in touch with some of the brightest minds,” he says. “I enjoyed the intellectual intensity. Our graduate students were not afraid to ask questions and challenge their professors. I know they brought out the best in me.”

Similarly, many of Jurdjevic’s former students credit him for inspiring them to pursue mathematics and other intellectual curiosities.

“Velimir Jurdjevic drew me into the mathematical world of geometry with the first lecture in my first class in the department of mathematics. It was absolutely thrilling,” recalls Dror Varolin, who met Jurdjevic as a third-year engineering sciences student at 91�Թ�.

Varolin, now a professor in mathematics at Stony Brook University, wrote his undergraduate thesis under Jurdjevic and served as his teaching assistant. He recalls Jurdjevic’s challenging exams and puzzling brainteasers – and says that his former professor’s compassion and genuine interest helped students succeed.

“In my own academic career, I have tried to imitate him as best I can,” Varolin says. “With each passing year my admiration for him, significant as it was from the very start, continues to grow.”

Jurdjevic says establishing the scholarship is a fitting way to pay tribute to the community that supported him.

“It’s been a privilege to build a career at the 91�Թ�,” he says. “It’s a place where I was allowed to follow my academic interests freely and where I became connected to a wonderful academic community.”

This gift is also a way for him to bring his story full circle.

“If it hadn't been for a fellowship that I received, I don't think I would have been able to go to graduate school,” he says. “I hope this award reaches graduate students who have developed a love for the subject. I’d like them to have a bit more free time to pursue their passions.”

‘Discover yourself’: Rotman Commerce grad worked to support others as she pursued a marketing career

Christopher.Sorensen — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 14:57:07 +0000

‘Discover yourself’: Rotman Commerce grad worked to support others as she pursued a marketing career

Christopher.Sorensen Thu, 06/16/2022 - 10:57

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91�Թ� graduate Makgofe Mathipa extended a helping hand to fellow 91�Թ� students through her involvement with Black Rotman Commerce and the First-Year Learning Communities program (photo supplied)

Rebecca Cheung

Topic

Our Community

Convocation 2022

Faculty of Arts & Science

Rotman Commerce

Rotman School of Management

University College

When Makgofe Mathipa came to the 91�Թ� four years ago, she was determined to learn as much as she could about economics and business. And she did – through engaging in-class discussions, collaborating on projects with her classmates and completing internships.

However, she wasn’t prepared for how much she’d learn about herself.

After completing a variety of courses at Rotman Commerce, Mathipa, who is graduating with a bachelor of commerce degree as a member of University College, discovered a passion for user-focused design and marketing. Outside of the classroom, she looked for ways to elevate her fellow students and became heavily involved with Black Rotman Commerce and the First-Year Learning Communities (FLC) program.

Before she heads off to a new role at brand loyalty firm Bond Brand Loyalty, Mathipa takes a moment to reflect on her time at 91�Թ�, what she’s looking forward to next and what she hopes incoming and current 91�Թ� students will keep in mind as they pursue their studies.

What drew you to 91�Թ�?

I received the Top Achievers Scholarship from Botswana, my home country. Essentially, I was given a full-ride scholarship to study at the university of my choice. The opportunity pushed me to think about what I wanted to get out of my four years at university. I realized I wanted to get as much exposure as possible to different cultures.

From what I’d seen online, I knew Toronto was a diverse city. I love how big St. George campus is and how it is very much a part of the city. I knew it was going to be challenging, but I was going to get exactly what I was looking for: exposure to different cultures, environments and industries.

What inspired you to focus your studies in marketing and minor in economics?

One great thing about 91�Թ� is that I was able to explore my curiosities, and my program’s flexibility allowed me to mix and match courses. When I came to 91�Թ�, I thought I wanted to be an investment banker. I intended on mainly taking finance and economics classes. Then, I took a marketing course in my first year, and I thought, “I really, really like this.” I was in denial about this for a long time because I was so set on investment banking.

Going into my third year, I decided to take more marketing courses. I really enjoyed learning about consumer behaviour, and I realized how essential marketing is to business. Eventually, I dropped my finance focus and specialized in marketing. I minored in economics because I’ve always been curious about economies of the world, and there are many intersections between marketing and economics.

During your studies, you served as the conference lead for Black Rotman Commerce and as a FLC peer mentor. What motivated you to pursue these leadership opportunities?

The Black Career Conference, which is organized by Black Rotman Commerce, is very important to me because I see how it fills in the gaps and helps under-represented Black professionals and students connect. I think the conference does excellent work in supporting international students.

When I came to Canada, I knew nothing about the job market here. By attending events like this conference, I was able to network and discover roles and companies I hadn’t heard about. In fact, I ended up getting an internship at CIBC the summer after my third year because I had connected with a recruiter at the conference.

Having reaped the benefits and seen the event’s impact, I wanted to be a part of the organizing committee in my fourth year so that I could help someone else in the same way I was helped.

Similarly, when I had the opportunity to apply to become an FLC mentor, I thought about myself as a first-year student and how I had benefited from the program as a mentee. I really wanted to do the same for first-year students.

Makgofe and fellow Black Rotman Commerce executive member Zimman Yousuf organized the Black Career Conference earlier this year.

What’s next for you?

I’m excited! I'm going to be living in Canada for the foreseeable future. I will be joining Bond Brand Loyalty as an associate consultant in a few weeks. I’m very interested in learning more about human-centred design principles, which Bond uses to solve problems. I’m also looking forward to working with my former professor, Jennifer Nachshen, who is a consulting director there.

What advice do you want to share with incoming 91�Թ� students?

First, take time to discover yourself. The most important lesson I took away from my time at 91�Թ� is that we are constantly learning about ourselves, in terms of our abilities, passions and ambitions. Give yourself time to figure it out.

Second, you are allowed to change your mind. In my case, I went from wanting to be an investment banker to management consulting to pursuing marketing. Learning about what you want is a journey and it takes time. Don’t be scared to change course.

Going places: Students work with Toronto Public Space Committee to address city's lack of public washrooms

Christopher.Sorensen — Fri, 06 May 2022 13:17:55 +0000

Going places: Students work with Toronto Public Space Committee to address city's lack of public washrooms

Christopher.Sorensen Fri, 05/06/2022 - 09:17

Cutline

Graduate students from 91�Թ�'s department of geography and planning spent months investigating the lack of public washrooms in Toronto, a problem exacerbated by COVID-19 when many retail outlets restricted access to their facilities (photo by David Lee)

Rebecca Cheung

Topic

City & Culture

Cities

Faculty of Arts & Science

Geography and Planning

Graduate Students

What do you do in Toronto when you have no place to answer nature’s call?

The lack of public washrooms in Canada’s largest city is a real and ever-present concern for many – particularly for unhoused populations, families with young children and those living with incontinence.

The pandemic has only exacerbated the situation. As restaurants and retail outlets closed or began restricting access to their facilities, many essential workers, including delivery drivers and public transit operators, found themselves with no place to pull over for a pit stop during the work day.

“I think it’s a problem everyone in Toronto has felt, especially this past summer during the pandemic when our only options for seeing people was to gather outdoors,” says Alycia Doering, a master’s student in the 91�Թ�’s department of geography and planning in the Faculty of Arts & Science. “There are not a lot of places for people to go.”

In the summer of 2021, the Toronto Public Space Committee was eager to make headway in its GottaGoTO campaign, advocating for increased public washroom access across the city. So, Igor Samardzic, a member of the steering committee and a 91�Թ� alumnus, turned to his former graduate program at the department of geography and planning for help.

The department accepted his pitch to include GottaGoTO as a project for students in the Workshop in Planning Practice course, which has student teams partner with an external client to tackle a real-world planning problem.

Doering and fellow master’s students Sawdah Ismail, Siobhan Kelly, Emily Power and Rameez Sadafal spent months looking into the issue – and their work promises to go a long way in supporting the Toronto Public Space Committee’s mission to make the city more liveable.

“We wanted to give talented students an opportunity to make a real impact with us,” says Samardzic, who earned his honours bachelor of arts as a member of Trinity College and his master of arts degree from the department of geography and planning. “This was not going to be a project where they wrote a dense report that would collect dust on a city planner’s desk.”

Sadafal says the team quickly discovered there are many gaps in Toronto's current public washroom network. “It’s also a multifaceted issue,” Sadafal says. “Our main challenge was figuring out how to summarize the issue so a decision-maker could fully appreciate the problem.”

The students completed a rigorous review and jurisdictional scan, which involved poring over policy documents and analyzing strategies undertaken by other cities, including implementing automated public toilets and arranging agreements with commercial businesses.

“We did a deep dive into all aspects of public washroom planning,” explains Doering. “We really needed to understand all angles of the issue.”

The team toured Toronto neighbourhoods, paying close attention to gaps in public washroom access. They spoke directly to stakeholders, including community groups, City of Toronto staff members and city councillors.

“I am really proud of what this group was able to accomplish on behalf of the Toronto Public Space Committee at a time when the topic is especially charged with a sense of urgency and political debate,” says course instructor Michelle Berquist, manager of area transportation planning at the City of Toronto. “This group took on a project with an ambitious scope, looking critically at the state of practice in our city and its shortcomings. It was a job well done.”

Ultimately, the effort paid off. The students delivered a comprehensive report and presentation to the Toronto Public Space Committee in December, when the workshop wrapped, and a few students hope to continue their engagement with the GottaGoTO program in the future.

“We were truly impressed by the work, and we’re excited to have a report, backed with evidence, that we can make public and create buzz around the city on this issue,” says Samardzic.

'Strive for change': 91�Թ� grad Alexandra Gaspar took action and advocated for a sustainable future

Christopher.Sorensen — Wed, 17 Nov 2021 18:40:03 +0000

'Strive for change': 91�Թ� grad Alexandra Gaspar took action and advocated for a sustainable future

Christopher.Sorensen Wed, 11/17/2021 - 13:40

Rebecca Cheung

Topic

Our Community

Climate Change

Faculty of Arts & Science

Sustainability

University College

Alexandra Gaspar has always been inspired to drive positive change.

Outside the classroom, Gaspar – who will be graduating with an honours bachelor of arts degree with a double major in political science and environmental studies this week — was active in a number of student environmental initiatives at the 91�Թ�. She worked hard to get involved and contribute to the university community, even while commuting to campus from Mississauga at various times during her undergrad. These experiences helped her hone her leadership skills and discover a passion for research, writing and history.

During her summers at Lake Superior Provincial Park, meanwhile, Gaspar spoke up about ways the park could improve its conservation work and relationships with communities.

Gaspar hasn’t finished her academic journey just yet; she hopes to return to 91�Թ� to pursue her master’s in information and museum studies.

“I think this path will allow me to do the things I enjoy the most – research, writing and finding ways to preserve history and share what it teaches us widely,” says Gaspar, a member of University College.

Gaspar recently spoke with writer Rebecca Cheung about her studies and conservation work.

What inspired you to pursue political science and environmental studies at 91�Թ�?

I’ve always had an interest in people and communities in current and historical contexts. I enrolled in the political science program so I could have the tools to better navigate the political behaviours and structures that govern our systems.

As I progressed in the program, I became more engrossed in topics that challenged these normative structures, which naturally coalesced into my enrollment in environmental studies. I was already engaged in environmentalism, but I saw the benefit of having a multidisciplinary approach to my studies to achieve a more fulfilling educational journey.

By exploring both of these subject areas, I feel I received a more balanced and holistic degree, which complemented my values and encouraged me to strive for change.

When you reflect on your time serving as an executive member for 91�Թ� Students’ Environmental Resource Network (UTERN), what do you consider the group’s greatest accomplishments?

I had the wonderful opportunity to work alongside a passionate and knowledgeable team of student environmentalists while at UTERN.

I served as the representative for 91�Թ� Mississauga for one year. I had taken a few classes at UTM, and I had grown up in Mississauga. I wanted to connect UTERN to the UTM campus and did a lot of work laying the foundation for future UTM reps, as the role hadn’t been filled prior to my election. The next year, I was elected as executive secretary.

Although I feel everything UTERN does is important in supporting the organization’s mission for sustainability and justice and for the whole 91�Թ� community, I am most proud of the group’s work in urging divestment from fossil fuels by the university. UTERN’s coalition with other environmental student groups and their divestment campaign showcased the power in collectivity, and I believe helped pressure 91�Թ� to take real action to end their investments in fossil fuels, which we’ve all heard about recently. The news of the university’s decision symbolized years of hard work and momentum generated and maintained by UTERN and others toward a sustainable future for students – and for everyone.

Alexandra Gaspar spent two summers in Lake Superior Provincial Park, working in various roles (photo by Jose Power)

While working summers at Lake Superior Provincial Park, you considered possible improvements. Tell us about the big changes you want to see at the park.

I greatly enjoyed my time at Lake Superior Provincial Park. I spent two summers there, working in various roles, and I had the opportunity to work closely with park management and local communities.

While there, I worked hard to voice my opinions on the importance of moving toward progressive conservation work and including Indigenous voices in the park’s future. I hope the park’s future includes the return of a biologist, forester or resource management position, which would enable more impactful conservation of the park’s many unique ecosystems and natural heritage. I hope to be part of the park again.

What advice would you give to students considering 91�Թ�?

Do not overwhelm yourself and focus on things that complement your interests. I often found the courses and communities I was most drawn to at 91�Թ� were those that aligned with my values and passions. The university has so much to offer and caters to a range of interests, so there’s definitely something here for everyone. One of the greatest benefits of going to a school as renowned and large as 91�Թ� is that you can find your niche, and there is room to grow as an independent, knowledgeable and passionate individual. You will leave equipped with the skills to create change wherever you go.

As someone who commuted to 91�Թ� at various intervals, do you have any tips for student commuters?

Get involved at the university. As cliché as that may sound, trust me, it’s true. If you’re enrolled in a large program or part of a big college, commuting can make meeting people and finding your place at the university feel overwhelming or isolating. Take your time and try various student groups, clubs and organizations until you find one you enjoy. This is a great way to meet others who share your interests, and it will make your university experience that much more fulfilling.

Also, you can find good, inexpensive food in Chinatown if you forget to pack a lunch!

As you set off into the world, what lessons and experiences will you be taking with you from your time at 91�Թ�?

I think the feeling of being a graduate is still setting in. I’m still thinking about what’s next and what the last four years have meant to me. 91�Թ� taught me that the world has a lot to offer, and I am now starting to realize how well-equipped I am to explore it all. The past four years shaped me into a more critical and independent person who likes a good challenge. The programs at 91�Թ� can be demanding and challenging, getting through it all has shown me the depth of my drive, strength and passions, and this is something I will take with me wherever I go next.

91�Թ� management expert Sonia Kang offers six tips for negotiating with your kids

Christopher.Sorensen — Wed, 08 Sep 2021 19:46:46 +0000

91�Թ� management expert Sonia Kang offers six tips for negotiating with your kids

Christopher.Sorensen Wed, 09/08/2021 - 15:46

Cutline

(Photo by Gary Burchell via Getty Images)

Rebecca Cheung

Topic

Our Community

Children

Rotman School of Management

91�Թ� Mississauga

If every interaction with your kids feels like a negotiation lately, you are not alone.

When emotions run high at home, it’s difficult for parents to come up with peaceful resolutions. Even the most experienced business negotiators might find themselves at a loss.

Sonia Kang

“Some of the difficult discussions we have with our kids can become emotional, repetitive and unpredictable,” explains Sonia Kang, an associate professor in the department of management at the University of Mississauga who is cross-appointed to the Rotman School of Management.

“Our kids might be the toughest negotiators we ever face.”

That said, there are things parents can do to get through to their kids during this difficult time, says Kang, who has devoted much of her academic work to studying and understanding negotiations, power and behaviour.

As Canada Research Chair in Identity, Diversity, and Inclusion, Kang’s research identifies strategies to disrupt systems, processes and structures that block diversity and inclusion within organizations. She also explores how employees can navigate challenges that arise on the job with her popular podcast, For the Love of Work. As well, she coaches students in her negotiations courses on how to execute difficult deals, persuade others or negotiate raises or promotions.

Her experiences during the global pandemic have made her a true expert when it comes to negotiating with kids. In addition to juggling work and other commitments during lockdown, Kang and her partner have been brokering deals with their two energetic – and very clever – young sons.

Here are Kang’s six tips for navigating difficult parenting situations:

Prioritize your relationship with your child

“As a parent, your top priority never changes. Your child should always feel safe and secure with you,” says Kang.

Parents need to maintain a healthy, secure attachment relationship with their kids. This puts children on the path to becoming confident adults who are comfortable taking risks and pursuing healthy relationships later in life.

Know what is negotiable

When kids feel a sense of control, they are less likely to act out and more likely to abide by the few rules that their parents establish.

Kang encourages parents to re-examine their daily parenting decisions and consider whether they are non-negotiable issues, negotiable issues or issues to forget for now.

“I think most parents will see that very few issues are non-negotiable, and that leaves a lot of room to involve kids in decision-making,” she says.

Parents can empower their kids by having them suggest a few meal ideas for the week or ideas on how they want to spend their free time.

Adults should also know when to walk away.

“There are battles that just aren't worth the energy right now,” says Kang. “For example, if your child refuses to sleep in her bed and insists on sleeping on the floor, think about whether it’s worth the fight. If the end goal is to get her to go to sleep and she’s doing that, don’t fixate on details.”

Coach kids on their emotions

“In parenting, all emotions get a ‘yes,’ even if your child is expressing something that you disagree with,” says Kang. She recommends four steps for helping kids process their emotions, derived from the theory and practice of emotion-focused parenting.

Attend to the emotions that your kids are expressing. Resist the urge to refute your child’s claims. “For most parents, it’s hard to hear that your children feel hopeless or bad about themselves, but we need to instill the idea that they can trust their feelings,” says Kang. “It’s important to take a moment and listen.”
Put a label on their emotions. Help your kids define exactly what they are feeling. For instance, for kids who feel unpopular or isolated from their peers, parents can use phrases like “I understand why you’re feeling this way because everyone wants to have friends” or “I understand why you’re sad because it feels bad to be left out.”
Validate their emotions. You might disagree with the assumptions underlying your child’s emotions, but you need to show them that you empathize with them.
Meet the need. Once you’ve put the emotions in context, jump into action. Soothe, offer hugs and reassure. Set boundaries if your child acts out.

Coach kids on their behaviours

Once parents have helped kids understand their emotions, they need to be firm about expected behaviours. Kang offers parents four steps for guiding kids towards productive behaviours.

Describe what you’re seeing. State the facts and don’t be judgmental. For instance, when you see a fight escalating between your kids, describe what you’re seeing with “I see two kids who aren’t getting along.”
Remind. Emphasize the rules and expectations. (For example, “In our home everyone's body is safe” or “In our family, we discuss things calmly when we disagree.”)
Inspire and expect. Remind your kids of times when they did the right thing. (“I've seen how responsible you can be and helpful you’ve been to your sister in the past” or “I remember times when you showed so much kindness and caring towards your brother.”)
Give opportunities. Speak slowly, take deep breaths, and be patient. Give your kids time to process what you’ve told them and the opportunity to do the right thing. If they act out, be firm and provide loving consequences, which will be unique from family to family based on what works and feels right for them.

Know your role and responsibilities

“As parents, your job is to empathize, validate and set boundaries. Your kids are simply responsible for experiencing and expressing their feelings,” says Kang. “If you can manage those things, that’s enough. You’re doing your job well. Aside from that, remember that you’re not a bad parent if you don’t love every moment you spend with your children. You need breaks and space for yourself too.”

With parenting, you’re playing the long game

“We’re doing the hard work now to make sure our kids become teenagers and adults who can trust their own emotions, stick up for themselves and do what they feel is right,” says Kang. “Everything we teach them now about regulating their emotions and behaviours will pay off much later, and it will be worth it.”